What To Do About a Too Busy Life?!
"I need life to go smoothly because I just don't have the capacity to handle any problems these days. I'm going like the Energizer bunny from the moment my feet hit the floor in the morning to the time my head hits the pillow at night."
Does this resonate with you?
Is there a solution for this? I don't think this is what Jesus meant when He spoke of the abundant life, but I'm not entirely sure. How about you?
For most people finding themselves in the Middle Class, this is a common refrain.
MARGIN AND LIMITS?
I read the book Margin when it was first published in the mid-90s. It was all the rage in my circles. I was stuck in a "burn yourself out for Jesus" culture and didn't know what to do with Dr. Swenson's message. Did Jesus and Paul have margin? What about "make the most of every opportunity" and "I can do all things"? I tended to ignore verses about the Sabbath and being still in those days. The world needed saving and it was on my shoulders. Clearly, I was in many ways more lost than the people I had been sent to reach.
Let's jump ahead 30 years, and we are seeing books on living with limits being published these days. Ashley Hales' A Spacious Life: Trading Hustle and Hurry for the Goodness of Limits and Kelly Kapic's You're Only Human: How Your Limits Reflect God's Design and Why That's Good News are two good ones recently published in this genre. These have good things to say but reading a book does not change a lifestyle. The issues keeping us on the gerbil wheel are bigger and deeper than knowledge and insight can overcome.
This is a complex, adaptive problem and simple solutions will not do the trick. But what will?
3 CHALLENGES
First, let's dive a bit deeper...
We are facing three challenges in this situation:
Of course, the world, the flesh, and the Devil would be a fitting answer but let's get practical as we dive into this dilemma.
First, we have true circumstantial realities to face. If we have kids and go to a church and/or have community connections, and are seeking to grow, and engage in ministry, and feel pressure to work to make enough money to pay bills, and on and on. This is all real. I look at my current life. One daughter plays club basketball which means from April to August she has a tournament often far from home on the weekends. She has practice two to three times a week. Fortunately, she can drive, but for those with younger kids, this means lots of time in the car. Some of the girls on her team travel an hour each way to get to practice, and they aren't old enough to drive which means their parents bring them. My youngest son is a climber which means he is at the bouldering gym a few times each week. He can't drive but his older brother is nice enough to drive him. Two of our kids work at Chick-fil-A which means 10-20 hours each week they are gone. Money is very tight these days which means Laurie and I are both working to pay bills. We both love the work we do, which is a bonus, but Laurie is doing more hours than we would wish for. We need the money. We are in a monthly book club and a weekly Bible study and do pre-marital counseling for a couple, and it seems like we are invited to a wedding every weekend and... you get the picture. My guess is your story is similar and maybe fuller.
Are all these things necessary? No. Are they all good things? Yes. Which ones should we stop doing? What to say no to? It's a legitimate question. For now, the issue is that our schedule is full, and the opportunities will always be more than our capacity.
I'm looking for answers in the midst of this. It would be easy to say to wait until things settle down or until we have lots of money or until the kids leave and we are empty nesting, but that does not help me today. How do we do this amid endless opportunities and needs?
Second, to get there we must acknowledge and deal with how our internal drivers are keeping us in this mess. Whether it is fear or people pleasing or a need to feel important or make a difference or our lack of self-control or maintaining a reputation or not wanting to deal with financial realities, we each have significant issues keeping us bound on this treadmill.
We must do some interior work to unearth and deal with these issues. Perhaps it requires repentance or healing or accountability, but something must change here. Oftentimes we must be knocked off our proverbial horse to wake up to the reality.
Third, the systems of our modern world are designed to keep us blindly running on empty. Read Ephesians 6 for more detail here, but this is the water we swim in. It is invisible and unquestioned by most. Whether it is social media and gaming cell phone apps or Sports or TV shows that keep us distracted or everything being open and available seven days a week or a deep sense of victimhood and entitlement or the constant outrage culture of 24-hour news, we are surrounded, enveloped in a sea of constant and overwhelmingly distracting noise.
All these factors work together to keep us making statements like the opening paragraph of this post. Is it inevitable and hopeless. Is this as good as it gets so just go with it and survive until we get past it?
I think not, but I do feel stuck in it now. I could easily write good sounding words offering empty solutions, hoping to inspire and get clicks, but given that we are currently stuck in it, I don't have any solutions I can offer with integrity. What I can do is keep exploring.
Here is what I have found:
We are not victims. We have agency to act. Despite the external pressures, we can take steps towards change, if we want to. This means acknowledging that we don't have to do the things we are doing. We each have values (many unspoken/hidden) and priorities whether we acknowledge them or not. Being honest about this is important.
For example, the activities my kids do, the food we eat, the house we live in, the subscriptions we have, what we do on the weekends and evenings are all based on choices we have made. How much time do I spend on my phone? How many of my activities do I question? How much sleep am I getting?
WHAT IF...
But let's take a step back for a minute... What's the point of this? What would happen if I had margin if I did slow down?
This is important to answer. It is not just about comfort. A vision for a different lifestyle is important here. One book that has helped me in this is Jayber Crow: A Novel by Wendell Berry. Berry lays out a powerful picture for each of us to consider. I asked each of my older children to read it to help them as they figure out the patterns by which they will live as adults.
At root, the issues I'm discussing here are at the heart of our identity and calling. When we live without margin, we are unable to dream. We are unaware of our deepest desires and are not pursuing them. This means we lack the capacity to connect deeply with God and thus with people which is what life is all about. It is the wellspring of our living out our true identity. This means we must solve this.
As I said, I don't have the answers, but I do want to be pursuing this, to be writing about it. Feel free to share what you have found.
SABBATH
I'll close with one powerful step that will move us closer to what we are seeking. Take a Sabbath. Take one day each week and do nothing. By nothing, I mean no work. Ideally, you don't look at your phone or use any connection technology unless it is to call a loved one, but even then, keep it to a minimum. Go for a hike or read a book. Take a nap or play a board game. Piddle in the garden. Do no email (writing or reading). Do no texting.
If you are not doing this, it will sound impossible. When God first commanded the Sabbath, it was a gift to show what a different kind of master he was. The Hebrews had been slaves in Egypt working seven days a week. God gave the Sabbath, a day to rest. He promised to take care of them. We need to rest. We need to trust God to take care of us. It is for us. Now, we are not slaves outwardly, but we are inwardly. The Sabbath reveals who our master is, who or what we worship. Try it and see what happens.
How do you deal with the demands on your life? Please join our Focustsoul Community and engage in the conversation.