Anxiety: Are You On The Escalator or Staircase?
Picture walking up a staircase one step at a time. You take a step, and you are higher up but you are in the same situation. The energy it took to get up this step is the same as is needed for the next step. Each step will be the same. We gain very little by taking a step. We are always in the same predicament.
Now, picture stepping onto an escalator. You take that first step, and you're where you need to be to get to the top; no more energy is needed. Virtually, you're at the top already; it is inevitable. Keep these pictures in mind as we dive into anxiety.
For many years I believed I was not supposed to be anxious. Feeling anxious was a sin. I mean, we all know the Bible says not to be anxious.
Guess what? Trying not to be anxious is a fool’s errand.
ANXIETY & FORMATION
Over time, my understanding has changed. From a formation perspective, God is inviting us into his process of making us the kind of people who are not anxious. We partner with him, and the process involves a good bit of mystery, we do play a role.
I have been thinking about this lately because I have been feeling extremely anxious, some days to the point of feeling panicky. Am I allowed to admit this? Is this an area of struggle for you?
Let’s explore this…
NOT INCLUDED…
I am not referring here to nerves, the sense of anxiety that comes before a big event like a speech, presentation, or competition. It is perfectly normal and good to feel some “butterflies” at those times. It is a gift to help us be sharp and focused. The same is true for fear before true danger. When my house is on fire, and I'm inside it or when a rabid dog or rattlesnake is right in front of me, fear is helpful and good. Last caveat, I'm not referring to the anxiety disorders I hear much about these days. If you experience extreme anxiety stemming from significant trauma, you need Jesus to heal you in a way that usually comes through prayer and counseling. I recommend EMDR therapy.
INCLUDED…
No, I am referring to the worry we experience in times of uncertainty:
My son is late coming home and not answering his phone.
I don’t have enough money to cover expenses.
I hear rumblings at work about layoffs and may be affected.
I don’t feel well and wonder if it is something serious.
You fill in the blank.
Each of these describes a situation with an uncertain future. It may work out fine or may not. I don’t know. In these cases, in my inner being I am asking foundational questions about my well-being and whether God will take care of me.
Maybe you, like me, have used anxiety as a motivational tool. I wonder what I would do if I wasn’t feeling anxious. Would I work hard to solve the problem? Would I take it seriously? Isn’t the anxiety good in that way?
There is so much we could talk about here. Let's try to focus.
SOUND FAMILIAR?
If you are like me, when you feel anxiety in these times, you have told yourself you are not supposed to be feeling it. Maybe you prayed and gave thanks and tried to not be anxious. (Philippians 4:6-7) Maybe you tried to ignore it and told yourself you weren't anxious. Maybe you wore it as a badge. Maybe you have given up and just live in it.
I have done everything on that list. Here's the truth. There is a reason the anxiety isn't going away. It is not about the current situation. It is pointing back to unresolved stuff in your past. See, in the past, probably when you were a kid, you were angry or sad or scared but were not allowed to metabolize those feelings, so they were buried in you. Now, when you are in a situation that brings up those same feelings, boom! it is all right there again. That's why it is so strong and so unwilling to go away easily.
So, what do we do? We get through the situations with our anxiety in tow, never truly dealing with it. We go up the stairs but remain in the same place. The specific problem may be gone but our anxiety is still there with us. There was a time when it served us when we needed it to survive. That is not true anymore, but it does not want to leave and in many ways has become our master. It began serving us; now, we serve it.
JESUS’ INVITATION TO BECOME
Jesus is calling us to be non-anxious people like he is. Think of the woman who came to Simon the Pharisees' house and washed Jesus' feet with her tears and hair. What a scene. Jesus sat there cool as a cucumber. My emotions would have been running wild. Talk about awkward. I would have felt anxious. What would it take to become the kind of person who is not anxious in that situation? Or how about being in the boat on that storm-tossed sea and being able to sleep?
Jeremiah 6:14 speaks to this. God is speaking through Jeremiah about judgment on the people and one of the condemnations is the way the leaders took the wounds of the people lightly. They pronounced peace when there was no peace. We so often do this to ourselves. Instead, we need to acknowledge the wounds we have, the ways we chose the faithless path. We may or may not have had a choice; we may or may not have known better, but we invited in poison and have been suffering ever since. If you feel led to confess and repent, go for it. At least talk to God about it. Tell your story to God and to people who know how to listen and help you. Repentance is about turning. We need to turn from minimizing the wounds and avoiding God's healing. We feel anxiety because at a time in the past we didn't turn to God when he was the only one who could help us. Again, whether we knew better or not is not important at this point. The issue is we didn’t, and God is NOT now punishing us for that. No, we are experiencing the consequences, but we don't have to. Let the anxiety push us to God this time. Let's sit with him and let him minister to us. For some, it may help to talk to a friend with God or to a counselor or a pastor, if these people know how to listen to our stories and lead us in being kind and curious.
ROLE OF FAITH
This is a faith issue but not a surface level, quick confession, and move on faith issue. It takes us to the roots of our being and identity, to the center of our soul. We say we believe something. Our anxiety reveals holes in those words. That isn't a bad thing. We may feel shame, but we need to fight the temptation to hide, recognize this kind of shame for the false teacher it is, and instead be kind and curious with ourselves. The invitation is to come into the light (this is often a major hurdle to overcome) and acknowledge what is being revealed, look into the eyes of our loving, heavenly Father, see the deep gladness in them as he looks at us and receives us, and let him do his work in us to grow our faith and move us towards being the kind of people who are not anxious anymore.
Can we do things to help this process? Yes, we can slow down and take time to be with God, to listen to his Spirit. We can memorize scripture. We can do the Examen as a daily practice, we can do Lectio Divina with Scripture. We can engage in a healthy Christian community. We can do many things but remember that all of these and any others only work as they put us in a posture to encounter God. Insight and building habits and mortifying the flesh are good but the military can do this to us. Transformation comes through encountering God. Never forget that.
PREACHING TO MYSELF
I write all this more to myself than to anyone else. If it is helpful to you, amen. As I said above, I'm currently in a time of feeling waves of anxiety because of some uncertainty in our financial future. It is all in God's hands and irrational, but no matter how many times I tell myself that, I still feel it. Instead, I'm stopping and waiting and listening and seeking God for what is going on. Why is it so intense? What is it pointing to? What am I not seeing? Oh, I'm praying and giving thanks and repenting and confessing as I'm aware of sin, but I'm convinced this is deeper and that God wants to reveal and heal deeper things in me at this time. I feel like Jacob wrestling all night with God to get the blessing.
RECOGNIZE THE SOURCES
Lastly, let me mention a couple more aspects to the problem of anxiety. Again, at root it is a faith issue, but it points to a time in the past when we didn't trust God would take care of us. We may or may not have been aware of it, but that is what happened.
We can recognize anxiety in our bodies. Our bodies tell us what is really happening. Anxiety will be felt in the stomach, in the chest, and in the neck and shoulders. Listening to our bodies is something most people do poorly, and Evangelical Christians do horribly. I speak as the chief of sinners in this area. I hope to delve more into this moving forward. Learning to do this is doable.
Be careful of anxiety being a habit. It is like an old friend that shows up because it always has. If this is the case, a good exercise is to embody it and have a conversation with it. Sit in a room and picture your anxiety sitting in the chair across from you. Have a conversation with it. What does it look like? Speak to it as a friend. Let it tell its story. Then let it walk out of the room. Assume God is in the room as well (since he is) and talk to him about it. Let him fill you. Let his Spirit replace the role that anxiety has played.
P.S. PLAGIARISM NOTES
This is a lot but hopefully enlightening. Much of this I have learned from my own experience and from counselors. The most concise summary of these ideas is a podcast by Adam Young. I mention it here so you will see how much of what I wrote above is plagiarized from him. I felt much of these things and was working them out and Adam made it much clearer for me. The podcast is called, "The Place We Find Ourselves" and the number is 109 (or 107 as his number system varies) entitled "Anxiety: What It Is and How To Respond To It"). You can find it where you find podcasts but here's the link on his website. He is a Dan Allender disciple, and I appreciate most of what he says. I know not everyone agrees with him, but I appreciate how he challenges me. I've been meeting with another Allender trained counselor for several years and have benefitted immensely.
YOUR TURN...
How has anxiety become your master or unwanted friend? Please join our Focustsoul Community and engage in the conversation.