Signs of Spiritual Maturity Part 7: Radical Sobriety

"Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying."

– Romans 13:13

Distressing Update

Before diving into the next sign, I wanted to give a quick update on the distressing situation which I wrote about last time. After the phone call I read Psalm 118 and was struck by verse 5 which says,

"I called to the Lord in distress;

the Lord answered me

and put me in a spacious place."

I was living in line one of the verse and not enjoying the waiting for line three. Many of you wrote to encourage me. Thank you. The next week I had an encouraging phone call that dispelled the issues from the first call. This meant I was okay, and could go on with life, but it still took me some time to move on. This wasn't about my health, to be clear, but was about relationships and finances. As some of you recognized, whether the issue was resolved or not, the fact that it impacted me so deeply was a sign that my foundation was shaky, I was building on sand. (Matthew 7:26-27) I am grateful for the light being shown on that reality and am diving into that with Jesus. Yesterday morning I had some extended time to sit with Jesus and just be. I realized later how much that time felt like a spacious place. So, two weeks after calling to the Lord in distress, he put me in a spacious place. In between, I was up and down, lots of room for growth. I'm grateful that God is faithful regardless of my response. I hope this update encourages you.

7TH SIGN

Now, we continue our Maturity Series with Father Ron Rolheiser's seventh sign of maturity or Christlikeness:

"Live in a more radical sobriety."

When you read this sign what comes to mind?

Early in my journey with Jesus I would have been stuck on not drinking or doing drugs or maybe on being earnest and focused and intentional about the way I acted in public. That is not bad, but it is not a sign of maturity. Again, this sign echoes a Biblical passage, 1 Peter 5:8, "Be sober-minded, be alert. Your adversary the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour." But this isn't the direction Rolheiser takes us. He says,

"We are as sick as our sickest secret, but we are also as healthy as we are honest... Maturity does not mean that we are perfect or faultless, but that we are honest."

HONESTY

Let's focus on the "more radical" aspect of this sign. To be sober is a good thing, but how easily we can get lost in rules and appearance and lose the heart or spirit and humanity in this. I don't need to argue that drunkenness and addiction is detrimental to health on every level. However, even God recognizes the nuance in this. Although the Bible overwhelmingly condemns drunkenness and the damage that comes from it, God does empathize with us in verses like Proverbs 31:6-7,

"Give beer to one who is dying

and wine to one whose life is bitter.

Let him drink so that he can forget his poverty

and remember his trouble no more."

And Psalm 104:14-15,

"He causes grass to grow for the livestock

and provides crops for man to cultivate,

producing food from the earth,

wine that makes human hearts glad—

making his face shine with oil—

and bread that sustains human hearts."

Alcohol is not the problem but the misuse of it is. Thus, in an attempt to protect and control, we humans often go to extremes hoping to prevent pain and hurt.

But Rolheiser takes us deeper into the idea of sobriety, and I want us to walk with him in exploring this idea. In the quote from Sacred Fire above he highlights the concept that honesty is at the root of sobriety. Find alcoholism and drunkenness and addiction, and you will find deception, lies, covering up, and hiding. Radical sobriety is about transparent honesty. Sin is evil but how we respond to our sin determines the difference between freedom and prison (metaphorically and often literally). How often do we see cases in which the cover up makes a situation exponentially worse than the original problem.

I could easily go into public examples we all know, but let's keep this at a personal level. As we mature, we move away from rigid legalism and a need to control situations. We become more curious and compassionate towards others and ourselves, but this does not mean we become lax about sin and evil. We don't grow in mercy at the expense of justice or vice versa. No, we more and more live in the tension, managing the polarity as we are led by God's Spirit. A clear sign of growth and maturity is that we can be in this tension without being anxious. We have lived enough to keep things in perspective, and we know God is bigger than any situation. We know it intellectually but even more we know it in our souls because we have experienced it so many times.

All of this leads us to a level of honesty that is transparent and vulnerable, exposed and available. We are becoming the kind of people who, like Jesus, put ourselves in our Father's hands and trust him to carry us where he wills. This may mean like Jesus tells Peter he will be carried to "where you don't want to go", or it may mean like I mentioned above in Psalm 118:5 to "a spacious place", but we put ourselves in God's hands regardless. In the end, fighting for our own way is a waste of time. The difference is that as we mature, we realize this more quickly.

Thus, at root I agree with Rolheiser that this is about honesty which is a sign of sobriety which is a sign of maturity which in this case is about resting in our identity as dearly loved children of our heavenly Father who is sovereign and loving and good and unpredictable.

BUT IT ISN'T...

But before I get to the application, let me make clear that a more radical sobriety is not about being ever serious and dour and joyless. Those would be ways to describe a basic, immature sobriety. Jesus was accused of partying too much, and those of us who are growing to be like him should not be accused of the opposite. Psalm 104 quoted above is one of many passages in the Bible that makes it clear that alcohol is a gift when used properly. For me, one of my great joys each week is lingering around the dinner table on Saturday evening with family and friends welcoming the Sabbath (we practice a Saturday evening to Sunday evening day of rest) with a couple of bottles of wine. Whether you partake of alcohol or not is superfluous, find ways to enjoy life.

HOW TO...

As with all these signs, I will not give a simple 5-Step process to radical sobriety as tempting as that may be. (However, if addiction is an issue, I know of a 12-Step process that is quite transformative.) Becoming people who live in a more radical sobriety involves the daily rhythms that connect us to Jesus and our community because of what those do to us over the long run. We experience the ups and downs, the joys and sorrows, the failures and victories, and we gain perspective. We mess up and lie about it and learn. We do it again and learn again. We fall and confess and experience grace and learn. We do something or experiences something that feels like the end of the world and get through it and learn and grow. It happens again and again, and we keep internalizing it. Like the ever-expanding rings on a tree trunk, we become thicker, i.e. wiser, and more able to handle the storms of life.

If we are moving towards Christ, we become more honest, more "out there", less worried. But this is not a guarantee. I'm sure each of us knows an older person who is either bitter or anxious or dishonest/hiding. It is possible to be hit by the storms of life and double down; to not learn and grow but to turn inward, build walls, and live in constant self-protection mode mastering the art of mask wearing.

If parts of you are stuck in the latter description, sit with Jesus. This is quite difficult because we are blind to it. If we could change, we would. Pray for God to open your eyes. Ask those around you to tell you and then receive what they have to say. Get help. Everyone has these areas of our lives that are in self-protection mode, and we will until we die. The needed work comes through community and counseling and solitude and silence and on and on. As Dallas Willard often said, "Grace is opposed to earning, not effort." Let's enjoy Jesus, be honest (sober), and let God mold us through the ups and downs of life.

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.”

– Carl Jung