A Distressing Phone Call and an Invitation to Join
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, because the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death.”
– Romans 8:1-2
“Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
– Philippians 4:6
Late in the Waiting Game…
I started a new job a couple of weeks ago and was figuring things out last week and didn't get to send a letter, so consider this my consolation letter.
I'm pausing this week from the maturity series to just pitch a couple of things. I hope we have given enough content through the previous weeks and months to earn your trust. We have two products worth considering as you grow in the Lord.
However, before I elucidate on those, I can't help but share a word.
A DISTRESSING PHONE CALL
I had a very disconcerting phone call last week. The person I was talking to told me something that felt like a punch in the stomach. I was reeling. My chest was tight, I was having trouble breathing, my stomach was in knots, and my mind was racing.
I read the Bible and did some journalling and tried to just sit and be with God in silence. I couldn't do it. I was fidgeting, and my mind wouldn't slow down. I was going through tons of scenarios in my head. I felt trapped. I was going through a host of emotions from fear to anger to shame to anxiety to embarrassment. I talked to Laurie about it, and she tried to encourage me, but I was spiraling.
Practically, I needed to have another conversation, but it can't happen until Tuesday. As time has continued it has been a constant battle. As I sat last night and processed it with God, I had to acknowledge that I was scared because of the unknown. I was living by sight and since I couldn't see a good solution, I couldn't only see darkness ahead. So, I confessed, Lord, help my unbelief. But as I dug in, I realized I did believe that God could provide for us and lead us to a good solution, I just didn't believe that he would. At that point it became more difficult to figure out what was going on in me. Did I feel unworthy and undeserving? Did I think that we only learn through suffering so God would let me suffer for my own good? Did I see God as stingy and distant? I couldn't answer those questions with any confidence. It's probably a mix of all of it. I just sat with God in the confusion.
At our church's worship service yesterday, we were singing about our hearts being at peace during the storm because of Jesus, but my heart did not feel at peace. I wanted to repent and figure it out and just say or do the right thing so it would all be good. Instead, I'm sitting in the confusion, wrestling with God, unable to will myself to think/believe/feel what I "should" and for that I feel some shame. At the same time, I feel like God is walking with me. I don't feel any condemnation. His grace feels abundant in the midst of my unbelief. That is good news.
How does this hit you? If I was reading this about someone else, I would have no lack of answers/solutions to help them, but those answers don't seem to help me in this moment although I know they are holding me in spite of myself.
How do you get through the storms of life? What are those moments of uncertainty like for you? Where does it show up in your body?
Becoming the kind of people who can sleep in the storm is what Focustsoul is about. We enter a lifelong process in which we make space to encounter God in community and are transformed bit by bit. I guess I should be happy for this opportunity to see more growth needs. I know I will be at some point.
FOCUSTSOUL FULL MEMBERSHIP
With that, I invite you to join the Focustsoul Community. The first month is free so you have nothing to lose. Just click and join and if you don't like it, cancel before the month ends.
We have a library of resources with courses and conversations. We are constantly adding content. You can get the phone app for access to the network.
In addition, we have live meetings each month which include a conversation with a spiritual formation expert. We do a monthly practice together, and we are going through a chapter of a book each month. You can connect with other members as well.
Check it out and join us for the first month for free.
DISCERNING GOD'S WILL FOR DAILY LIFE & BIG DECISIONS
If you are not up for the full membership with total access, then for a one-time fee of $9.99, you can purchase access to the Discerning God's Will Online Course.
This six-lesson course can be done at your own pace. It includes videos, notes, PDFs, and practical exercises to guide you through becoming a discerning person able to connect with God to make good decisions whether they be mundane or massive.
The 6 Lessons are as follows:
1. Posture – Dive into your assumptions, set the definitions, the do the Exploring Your Desires Practice
2. Metaphor – Discover your discernment metaphors and do the Framing the Question Practice
3. History of Discernment - Walk through a history of discernment looking at key figures and ideas from the New Testament until today.
4. Many & Varied Practices – Explore many different personal discernment exercises to grow in understanding how God speaks to you.
5. Community Discernment Practice - Witness what community discernment looks like.
6. Lifestyle of Discernment - Think through your next steps in growing as a discerning person.
Bonus conversation (video and audio) with Dr. Elizabeth Liebert, author of The Way of Discernment. Many of the practices we use come from her book.
All of this for just $9.99 is a gift.
(Note: If you have the full membership, you have access to this course so don't need to purchase it separately.)
Thank you for reading and walking this journey with me. I hope to connect again soon.
“We need discernment in what we see and what we hear and what we believe.”
– Charles R. Swindoll
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A reader sent me the following letter, and I thought it would be helpful to include it in this post:
Duke,
You asked how this hits me, so I will tell you, as one of the older generation who could be your mother or even your grandmother (that might be stretching it LOL).
It hits me right in the gut, as you said it hit you. I have been there a few times in my life. I have come to believe that God allows these life-jarring times to change our direction or teach us something we need to learn and couldn’t learn any other way. I also have found that He accomplishes a cluster of righteous things, not just one.
You know He loves you. He can handle whatever this crisis is. It will be in His time and His way. You will suffer, but it will be more than worth it. This will be all for His glory and your good in the end.
This may sound crazy but be EXCITED! He will do far more than you could ask or imagine.
Beware that Satan will have a field day with your mind and emotions. At one point in one of my crises, I wanted to commit suicide. That’s exactly where he wants you. Don’t even go there. God has great things for you, and for His kingdom because of this surprise.
It’s easy for me to say now, but release it to the Lord every day, and every second if that’s what it takes. He wants to see you trust Him with it. He is also a Gentleman and will not pry it out of your hands.
This sounds like something that will not be fixed in a day. But that’s all we have in front of us. Handle what you must handle about it (I call that “boots on the ground” stuff) and leave the miracles to Him.
My heart (and my gut) is with you in prayer since I first read this yesterday. I look forward to knowing how God worked in this, if not now, then in Glory.
Your Big Sister in Christ,
M.L.