Master Focus by Embracing No
"Be still and know that I am God."
—Ps 46:10
Pausing for Growth…
"When the days were coming to a close for him to be taken up, he determined to journey to Jerusalem."
—Luke 9:51
Focus = No
The last three books I read referred to a Steve Jobs quote on focus. Since I’m part of an organization with focus in the name, my mind perked up at these mentions. We include focus in our name—Focustsoul—to emphasize and help us overcome the challenges we face to be present in today's world.
Jobs said,
"People think focus means saying yes to the thing you've got to focus on. But that's not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully".
At any given moment, we have countless options for how to spend our time. Whether we are supposed to be focusing on one thing or have more freedom, our phones are regularly beeping, machines are constantly humming, music is playing, people are talking, good things are inviting us, and our minds are filled with a cacophony of voices moving us in conflicting directions. In the midst of this, Jobs's call to say "No" both resonates and is immediately drowned out. Thus, we need to push in and consider this for a moment.
ANCIENT IDEA
Steve Jobs wasn't the first to strike this chord. He is echoing wisdom from long past. After graduating from university, I moved to the South Bay of Los Angeles to teach, as part of a new initiative called Teach for America, and began attending Rolling Hills Covenant Church. My pastor's mantra was "Eliminate and Concentrate", and he modeled it for us excellently.
Of course, 35 years ago isn't the long past, so let's go back even further. Jesus was clear on his purpose and mission and lived a life of focus. He only did what he saw his Father doing and said no to everything else. We see this clearly in Mark 1:35-38:
"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he got up, went out, and made his way to a deserted place; and there he was praying. Simon and his companions searched for him, and when they found him they said, 'Everyone is looking for you.'
And he said to them, 'Let’s go on to the neighboring villages so that I may preach there too. This is why I have come.'”
Jesus spends time with his Father and gets clarity on his next move. Simon finds him and tells him to come back and minister to the people in Capernaum. Jesus tells him no; he's got other plans. This is one of many examples I could give from Jesus and other people in the Bible. In fact, Eve and Adam losing focus and saying yes to something they should have said no to brought about the fall of creation.
Thus, when we look back and see positive and negative examples, we need to ask the question, “What does it take to become the kind of people who can focus, say no, and be present in whatever moment and with whatever people we are with?”
INTENTIONAL & RELATIONAL
In answering that question, one important distinction I want to make here is that doing this doesn't mean we need to become task oriented and devalue relationships. That is a false assumption (not that you made it, but some people might.) As mentioned above, being present is the challenge of our age. Saying no means we say yes to being present in the moment whether that is doing a task or being with a person. The sense of being task-oriented or relationship-oriented is not a decision to make. The call is to say no to everything that is not what we are called to be present to at that moment and being present to multiple things is impossible. Therefore, if we need to get a task done or meet a deadline, then we say to no to everything else, which may include postponing a conversation with an important person. And vice versa, if we need to focus on a person or group of people, then we say no to the phone and email and any other Sirens tempting us.
MATURITY
And I need to stress the place of grace. We are in process; we will miss the boat at times. The invitation is to get back up, learn, and move forward. Enjoy this journey.
Within this, we are reminded of a sign of growing maturity, which is more consistent abiding and enjoying Jesus, being sensitive to the nudges of the Holy Spirit, and saying no to what doesn't fit. This capacity increases in us by doing, but this doing flows out of being. God is in this polarity. We make space and get to know his voice and take steps as we sense we are being led. This leads to consequences which moves us back to reflection and growth. The whole process requires listening, and our capacity for this grows as much, if not more, through failure as through success.
The being and listening time is best done through a mix of means and mediums. I find that individual and collective listening is helpful. I enjoy open, unstructured times of listening as well as guided times. We can read the Bible, journal, and wait, and we can use tools like the Book of Common Prayer and other books to help give us words. Three books I can recommend are Seeking God's Face by Eugene Peterson, Be Thou My Vision by Jonathan Gibson, and The Blue Book by Jim Branch. If you have never tried using structured guides like these, you may find them helpful. I would caution that you need to give them a fair shake before jumping to a conclusion. For some people, the initial feeling is that these are rote and lifeless, but then after getting accustomed to them, they make a connection. While others go the opposite route and after an initial enjoyment, they lose their appeal. And of course, some have a consistently positive or negative association with this category of helps. Regardless, I pray you can keep pushing in, making space, encountering God, and growing in intimacy with Jesus. One fruit of this is a growing and Spirit-led rather than fleshly, will-powered ability to say no.
BEWARE
In closing, let me point out a few bumps you can expect to hit on this journey. Hopefully, being aware will help you navigate them.
· Interruptions - As we try to focus, we will be interrupted by people. God is working in these interruptions. They will reveal and form our character. I'm not talking about the phone beep and email interruptions. Ignore those. I'm referring to the people, young and old, who force their way through our walls and disrupt our focused time. They are people who interrupt, not interruptions. The difference is massive. People are created by God and deserve dignity and love. If we feel resentment, anger, frustration, or whatever cool word you can find on your feeling wheel rise up in us, make space to reflect on that. That is not coming from God's Spirit, but God is smiling in that place and inviting us into himself.
Take that feeling, personify it, and have a conversation with it. Let it tell its story while you and Jesus listen. Let Jesus minister to you in that story and move you into freedom.
Of course, you must do that later. In the moment when the interruption happens, deal with the feelings as you are able knowing you will make space later to fully engage with them as described above. If needed, ask God if this is a time to stop and focus elsewhere. Otherwise, feel free to be firm and loving as you hear the person and then explain that you will take care of their need later or someone else can take care of it. We don't have to take on their urgency or their anxiety. We can be non-anxious presences in that place. I recognize we may not have the capacity to be non-anxious in that moment, but we can be growing towards that capacity, and this interruption by this precious soul is a good opportunity for growth.
Wow, that was a long first point! Let's move through the rest more quickly. Recognize that to say no, you will need to fight against the following tendencies you may exhibit.
· People Pleasing - You may wrestle with pleasing people in which case saying no will be especially difficult. Take these opportunities to dig in and get to the roots.
· Achievement - You may wrestle with needing to feel significant or to achieve which makes you want to say yes to everything. Again, see these times as opportunities to dig in, find freedom, and get healthy.
· FOMO - You may wrestle with fear of missing out and saying no means you will miss out. I can give pithy maxims to come against each of these, but you have heard them, and they didn't help. What helps is digging in, making space, listening, getting help, unearthing the roots, and moving into a new way of responding. It takes work, but, by God's grace, it is doable.
· Stuck – You may be stuck in a situation in which saying no isn’t an option. God is calling you to trust him in that place. Hopefully, you can find a time when you do have some freedom.
· Over-Graced? - You may give yourself grace too much. You can't get too much grace from God. In this case, I mean you may keep excusing yourself and avoid doing the work. I encourage you to not condemn yourself, but to trust God to work in you as you open up to him in honesty (confession) and humility. We all need to be encouraged to do this.
With that said, it's almost time for you to say no to reading this letter and focus on something else! May you experience a higher capacity to live in the freedom Christ came for!
VIDEOS ON THE NETWORK
On the Focustsoul network we concluded our video series on developmental tools for holistic growth. Then we posted a video on seeing loveliness in those around us and on Focus. Next was a series on developing a Rule of Life.
If you join Focustsoul, a great value, you would be able to enjoy those videos and so much more. Consider it.
"The difference between the greats and the legends is their ability to focus for longer periods of time."
—Jordan Burroughs