Dealing with Anxiety as a Means of Change

ANXIOUS AWAKENING

I woke up this morning feeling anxious. My sleep was decent, but my first thoughts were of problems.

My first stop was time with Jesus. I can't say it brought a ton of relief, but I was able to give him my burdens and petitions and sit in his presence for a few minutes before going to the gym.

Upon returning I had a meeting on Zoom and once it finished, I had some time before my next meeting. At this point in the morning - approaching 11am and five hours since I awoke - I was still feeling the anxiety under the surface.

I took care of some busy work, helped Kaylie and Laurie with different needs, finally took a quick shower, and then sat down for more time with Jesus.

SITUATIONS & EMOTIONS

This time I got out my journal and started describing my anxiety. I was dealing with two things, the circumstances and the feelings.

What do you do in these situations?

Maybe you feel anxious or angry or shame or guilt or fear or lonely or envious or lazy or lust or greed or resentment or bitterness or unforgiveness or...

Each of us feels these feelings. We may or may not be aware of the feelings, and we may or may not acknowledge the feelings. Let's assume we recognize the feeling.

Of course, we want to not feel it. Now, we may enjoy the feeling for a time, but we all know we would be better off feeling grateful over envious.

What can we do to become the kind of people who do not feel those things?

 We all know a bunch of stuff that doesn't work but which we do anyways. I'm thinking here of suppressing and ignoring and pretending and willpowering.

INTERNAL/EXTERNAL

I have found that the circumstances are secondary. They will change eventually, but I'll find something else to activate my feelings.

The specific circumstances I woke up thinking about this morning do need to be addressed. We will face consequences if the situation isn't fixed, but even if it is, I will find something else to be anxious about. I want to become a non-anxious person, a joy-filled, peace-filled, content, faith-filled person. This morning I was far from those descriptives.

One option for dealing with my feelings is to avoid them and instead focus on the circumstances. I pray and ask others to pray and work hard to fix the problem. That's all good, but it doesn't solve the interior issues.

Or I can focus on the sin and confess and repent and get accountability and read the Bible and worship. This is also good. God will work in us through these means, but they don't get to the roots. Plus, we need to be careful not to fall into what Dallas Willard called "sin management". We look like whack-a-mole players trying to squash our sins, but they don't cooperate just like the moles in the arcade game, and we run out of quarters long before all our sins are whacked.

ANOTHER WAY

Instead, Jesus calls us to himself, to abide in him.

We are not called first to focus on our sins and work to stop them.

Jesus invites us to himself. He takes care of us. He forgives and cleanses and heals. He shines his light and reveals what needs to be dealt with and then he deals with it.

I know this sounds mystical and nebulous and vague. I am not saying we do nothing. We work because it is God at work. We are weak, and he is strong. The Bible says in our weakness he is strong. It does not say he makes us strong. We are weak. His power is made perfect in our weakness.

GET PRACTICAL!

What does this mean practically?

The goal is not to stop sinning. That won't happen. The goal is to be with Jesus, to be like Jesus, and I'm not contradicting myself there. It is about becoming, about abiding, and being transformed because of being with him.

So, yes, pray and immerse yourself in the Scriptures, and worship, and confess and repent. Yes! Do all those things.

But let's get to the root. My anxiety reveals a lack of faith among many things. Why do I lack faith? Where does it come from? I've got no reason to lack faith. God has never let me down.

But you know what I have seen?

I've seen people fail and lose everything and get betrayed and be mistreated and be abandoned. I've seen a lot of bad things happen. I've experienced some bad things and know people who have experienced horrible things. What if God lets more bad things happen to me? Can I really trust him? I don't have promises that everything will go well. Instead, I have promises that I will suffer and experience affliction.

I need to come to terms with this. God will always be with me. I'm his beloved child. My eternity is secure. The most important things can't be taken from me. I can't be separated from God's love. All of that is wonderful, but I undervalue it. I still hold onto quite a bit in this life. I need to sit with Jesus and reckon with these things.

Thus, to get practical and to do the work that brings change, God invites me to make space to encounter him.

In this case I sat in my comfy chair with my journal, and I wrote out to him all I was feeling. I wrote about feeling anxious and got specific about the situation. I was honest. I expressed my doubts and my shame. I let him know what I wanted and how I felt at not getting it.

Then I sat there. With him. We sat together. He held me. He held me in those feelings. My body relaxed a bit. My perspective adjusted. Part of me held onto the anxiety, but he just held me. I longed for more time, but my next meeting started so I had to go.

He's waiting for me to make space again. He's with me now; he knows my body is still tense in places and my breathing shows the anxiety is still a companion, but not like it was this morning. More time with him, sitting and sharing and confessing and being held will break the grip it has along with a bunch of other stuff.

As I sit there, I think of times from earlier in life when I felt this anxiety. This is not a new experience. Anxiety has been a friend for many years. Sitting with Jesus and letting him bring old memories to mind may be fruitful. Maybe he will reveal some core events that locked in my tendency to doubt his love. He can heal those memories. Maybe I will need to discuss that with a counselor or friend to get the healing I need. I'm not sure what God will use, but I know he is happy to sit with me and receive me and welcome me no matter how long I've been gone or how many times I've fallen in the same pit. His arms are open. His running shoes are on (Luke 15).

MAKE SPACE

I am finding that more and more that God is patient and unobtrusive and eager. As I make space he enters in. When I encounter him, I am changed.

He is the goal. All kinds of fruit come, and how easy it is to make the fruit the goal both for myself and for my expectations on others. The scandal of grace is still an issue for me and thankfully that doesn't disqualify me from receiving it.

How about you? How are you using your feelings to usher you into encounters with your loving heavenly Father?