Signs of Spiritual Maturity #9: Be wide in your embrace.
"Then one of the Pharisees invited him to eat with him. He entered the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. And a woman in the town who was a sinner found out that Jesus was reclining at the table in the Pharisee’s house. She brought an alabaster jar of perfume and stood behind him at his feet, weeping, and began to wash his feet with her tears. She wiped his feet with her hair, kissing them and anointing them with the perfume."
– Luke 7:36-38
A Wide Embrace
I apologize for my hiatus over the last few weeks. I took a new job and am still figuring out how to maintain a weekly writing schedule. My hope is to get back to that. If you joined this list in the last few weeks, welcome! In the past, I sent weekly letters on spiritual growth and formation, especially in the area of practical maturing in Christlikeness.
This week we continue our Maturity Series with Father Ron Rolheiser's ninth sign of maturity or Christlikeness:
"9. Be wide in your embrace."
If you want to catch up, you can find the first post in the series here: New Series: Signs of Maturity in Christ.
I'm not sure we could focus on a better topic as we receive the election results in America.
Now, let's take a personal audit and assess our relational diversity as we consider the idea of widening our embrace. Answer these assessment questions:
Who do I spend time with? Make a list.
On a scale of 1 (close) - 10 (distant), how aligned are my vision/purpose/values/faith-belief/politics with theirs?
How accepting (at a heart level) am I of people whose lifestyles I disagree with?
Regardless of my answers, at a heart level, where do I draw the line on my acceptance of those who don't align with what I think is important?
Here's another thought...What is the relationship between being devout or taking your faith seriously or being sold out for Jesus and how accepting you are of people who are different (faith, values, lifestyle...) from you?
To close this up take some time to consider how Jesus would answer these questions.
WHAT TO DO?
Over 2000 people receive this letter, and I don't know the vast majority, so I have no idea how you answered the questions. But here's the thing, grace abounds. The point is not to get stars or frowns. There is no condemnation. The first most important step is to make an honest assessment with no excuses or rationalizations. Sit in whatever you feel. This is simply a signpost showing us where we are. As you sit here, let the Holy Spirit speak to you about it. Check in with your soul and make space to experience whatever you are experiencing. Personally, I see significant growth compared to where I was 5, 10, 20 years ago, but I also recognize I have significant biases and judgments against certain groups of people in society. I don't see them as human but as a problem or threat or nuisance. I need to make some space to dive into that and let God speak into it and convict me and show me the fleshly roots and fears. As I confess (speak truth), I move towards purity and new life (1 John 1:9).
MATURITY - FULLY PRESENT & NON-ANXIOUS
In this, our example is Jesus and our guides are the Bible, the Holy Spirit, and our redeemed consciences. This third guide may be a surprise to you depending on your background, but each of us treats it as a guide every day. The most prominent example for Protestants is Luther's famous refusal to go against his conscience.
Regardless, let's look to Jesus' example. His followers consisted of people from every class and his inner circle of 12 apostles included fishermen, a zealot, and a tax collector (scum of the earth/traitor), and he had many women followers even treating at least one as a disciple (Mary of Mary and Martha fame) which was not normal to say the least. He also spent time with and dined with and rebuked religious leaders, helped Roman soldiers (the enemy), and was merciful and compassionate to prostitutes.
CHALLENGE OF OUR AGE
In every case with every person, he was fully present and non-anxious. Here he embodied and modeled how to overcome the challenge of our age. In our distracted world overflowing with anxiety, Jesus calls us to abide in him. His invitation is to be fully present. Being fully present is a superpower in today's world. I can't stress this enough, because it is so rare today. If you can do it, you will stand out. This is why we emphasize the word "Focus" in our community name. Making space to encounter God and each other is where we find life.
The other side of this presence means that we show up centered in Jesus, differentiated, and non-anxious. Of course, this doesn't just happen because we wish it, but this is a clear sign of maturity in Christ developing in us over many years. This is what underlies the ability to have a wide embrace. Like Jesus, we are rooted in our heavenly Father, we recognize the humanity of those in our path, including those with whom we disagree, those we consider enemies. God is our strength in this. Like Jesus, we see underneath the surface behaviors and reactions to the deeper motivations and hurts and fears and anxiety which manifest in sinful attitudes and actions. Abiding in Christ as our Rock, we can experience compassion and stay differentiated and experience our emotions and be with whoever is in front of us and love them. Isn't that a beautiful picture of mature Christlikeness?
HOW?
But how do we do it?
This is where the lifelong journey of sanctification brings us. This is the fruit of making time for reflection, of making space for encounter, of being part of a community, of falling repeatedly and repeatedly getting back up by God's grace, of enjoying Jesus and sitting with him in our sin, of pursuing growth in union with God, and understanding our lenses, and getting healing from family of origin disfunctions. Breakthroughs come and we grow, and habits are formed and thought patterns are engrained and slowly in starts and stops we are becoming the kind of people who consistently commune with God and see the people around us as humans in all their beautiful flaws, and we love them. God does this in us and our partnering with him makes a difference. Our lives do this work in us, and we can be intentional. Being in community is a necessary part of this process and yet we must make space to be alone with Jesus and contemplate him. How does this sound? It isn’t earth shattering, but I think we long for quick fixes and need to be reminded that God is patient to do his work in us over our entire lives. May we not grow weary in the process.
CHALLENGING QUESTIONS
I could wax on forever, but I'll move on with some questions to consider. You may already be thinking about these things, so I'll make them explicit.
1. What about bad actors? What about people who intend harm on us?
This is where becoming a differentiated, non-anxious presence is so important. Jesus modeled this with extremely bad actors. The Bible is a thick book for a reason. There is no simple formula to follow. We have many examples to show us that the call is to abide and walk in the Spirit and respond as we are led. Jesus stood and loved his enemies by allowing them to crucify him. Stephen did the same. Paul sometimes was beaten, sometimes fled, and sometimes assertively stood his ground and even rebuked those coming against him. Hebrews 11 shows that sometimes saints are killed and sometimes they are spared. Our wide embrace isn't based on how people respond to us but on how we are led by God's Spirit in community.
2. What about people pushing dangerous ideologies that will harm many people?
Spend a few minutes on YouTube or TikTok, and you will see videos of crazy people spewing harmful ideologies. You will also see lots of "Owning the Libs" videos. Bad ideas can cause harm, and we need to stand against them. Here's the thing, the goal isn't to "win", but to change hearts and minds. How you do that will vary in different contexts. Again, being led by the Spirit is vital, but it doesn't mean we don't take time to research and learn and understand and make good arguments. We just do it in a way that honors and respects those involved. A wide embrace doesn't mean we accept everything, but that we respect the humanity of everyone, including those with whom we disagree and/or consider enemies.
3. What about people doing horrible evils?
They must be stopped. A wide embrace and a loving your neighbor attitude do not preclude coming against evil. In fact, it requires it. We must stand against evil in all its forms, but when we stop the people who are committing it, we recognize that they have an inherent dignity as image bearers and treat them accordingly. They are responsible for their actions, and we must protect those they would harm, but we must treat them with dignity until their end. I assume this is obvious but wanted to state it explicitly, nonetheless.
For most of us, these questions are theoretical. We may deal with enemies or bad actors at times in our lives, but it is not the norm. In some places in the world, this is the norm. I recently saw a video recounting stories of persecuted Christians in sub-Saharan Africa, and it was horrible. May God give them grace and mercy. However, for most of us, this is not our reality. Our challenges are dealing with bad drivers, rude clerks, difficult colleagues, and hurting people who exhibit bizarre behaviors. May we become the kind of people who love God and neighbor regardless of the context.
CONCLUSION
In the end we stand before God answering his invitation to love our neighbors regardless of who they are. Each of us needs to consider our biases and prejudices and attitudes that keep us from embodying a wide embrace. May we grow to more and more reflect our loving Savior.
“"Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty."
— Albert Einstein